Hard to believe I’ve been nestled in this place for nearly 3 weeks. I can barely recall the first few days and nights now. As in most dreams, I seemed to have been robbed of a timeline that might help make sense of it all. Left instead with the entropy of a circus like flip-book of wild memories; benevolent apparitions, poignant lyrics and deafening sound bytes, that bit too hard to ever be forgotten.
But the days are never too long to see the one day come. And as another one turns dark blue outside; laying here listening to soothing rain of Mazzy Star, I finally feel the tide gently pulling me home. To my two beautiful angels, and the big, white canvas of possibility with which I have been blessed.
The personal transformation and life-altering opportunities that this adventure hold for me, is something I became quickly aware of. I remember whispering out during one of the first nights, perhaps even just to myself, that in so many ways this is a gift from the universe. Not the disease – I brought that secret santa to the party myself – but the safety, time and space to emerge out from behind my own shadow and consider myself and my humanity from a position of pure love and non-judgement. And ask all those big questions again, from that place of innocence we once knew as children.
It’s a vast and exhilarating process, but also at times very sad. Especially when you arrive at an understanding of the enormous difference it makes to ‘want’ vs ‘choose’ the way you want your life to look. Much more on that in another post, save to say for now that if there’s something or someone you’ve been trying to manifest into your life but aren’t seeing the results, try to abandon the concept of ‘wanting’ whatever that is, and switch instead to an intention of ‘choosing’ it for yourself. With a certainty and inner belief that only do you deserve it, it is already done.
Trust me, it’s deceptively simple but incredibly powerful, as well as a central tenet to embracing your Agent of Calm:
“this is the time we must live aligned with our purpose, and we find this purpose by following our joy, following our passion, following our inspiration. Now more than ever we live in a physical and metaphysical universe that is unconditionally supportive and committed to assisting us in changing and raising our vibration in whatever way we ‘choose’. So we need to look within and find that truth, to find how to live aligned with that, because that is what we have to give to ourselves, to the whole; to uplift the whole in these times of great challenge, change and opportunity”
And so it’s with love and hope that I peer out towards the possibility of being allowed home any day soon. Back to my pastel brushed, barefoot Guardian Angels, and the continuation of a quite unexpected, yet quite extraordinary adventure.
We’re all, very amazing.
Peace, calm and gratitude